Reflections After A Life Is Taken II

  My student's death was a rude wake up call. For these years of the nursing university nightmare I've been periodically drifting in and out of the huge dark cloud that's hung over my life, battling mild bouts of depression and feeling some of the energy and vitality that used to fuel me just drained away...fighting to keep myself afloat mentally, emotionally and financially. With a suicide happening to someone I knew, my own situation and handling of it have been drawn more sharply into focus recently.

  The first days and weeks after I heard about the false accusation in June 2007 were full of highly charged feelings and wild swings of emotion...mostly negative. Suddenly the positive and stable world I had been living in was shattered and in chaos. My job was rudely and suddenly pulled out from under me at the time when I was supposed to be getting my contract renewal, renewing my work visa for another year, and going home to visit my parents, sisters and friends during the summer break. Instead, in the middle of all the confusion over the false accusation and trying to get answers and protect myself, I had to hurriedly find another job to remain in Taiwan at least long enough to fight through the school's bogus investigation and decision and to figure out what to do next - stay longer and seek justice or move on somewhere else with better preparation. The administrators behind this evil plot planned it well and timed it to give me the least amount of time possible to challenge and uncover their wrongdoing and find another job.   By the time I got official notice of the sexual harassment accusation and request to participate in the sham investigation, I only had 30 days left to the expiration of my contract and alien resident status. It was crystal clear the conspirators were not counting on me surviving in Taiwan past these 30 days.

  It was during this time and continuing the next several months that, in retrospect, I was the most vulnerable to the unstable emotions and mental state I had fallen into. I had plenty of thoughts of things I wanted to do that were very uncharacteristic of me. Fortunately, none of them were about committing suicide but my parents were very concerned about me and were very direct in asking if I were thinking about such a selfish act. They assured me several times how much they loved me and were there for me...and how devastated they and my four younger sisters would be if ever I took my life. I did my best to assuage their fears and show them I was not on the verge of or considering suicide.

To be continued...