Reflections After A Life Is Taken II

  My student's death was a rude wake up call. For these years of the nursing university nightmare I've been periodically drifting in and out of the huge dark cloud that's hung over my life, battling mild bouts of depression and feeling some of the energy and vitality that used to fuel me just drained away...fighting to keep myself afloat mentally, emotionally and financially. With a suicide happening to someone I knew, my own situation and handling of it have been drawn more sharply into focus recently.

  The first days and weeks after I heard about the false accusation in June 2007 were full of highly charged feelings and wild swings of emotion...mostly negative. Suddenly the positive and stable world I had been living in was shattered and in chaos. My job was rudely and suddenly pulled out from under me at the time when I was supposed to be getting my contract renewal, renewing my work visa for another year, and going home to visit my parents, sisters and friends during the summer break. Instead, in the middle of all the confusion over the false accusation and trying to get answers and protect myself, I had to hurriedly find another job to remain in Taiwan at least long enough to fight through the school's bogus investigation and decision and to figure out what to do next - stay longer and seek justice or move on somewhere else with better preparation. The administrators behind this evil plot planned it well and timed it to give me the least amount of time possible to challenge and uncover their wrongdoing and find another job.   By the time I got official notice of the sexual harassment accusation and request to participate in the sham investigation, I only had 30 days left to the expiration of my contract and alien resident status. It was crystal clear the conspirators were not counting on me surviving in Taiwan past these 30 days.

  It was during this time and continuing the next several months that, in retrospect, I was the most vulnerable to the unstable emotions and mental state I had fallen into. I had plenty of thoughts of things I wanted to do that were very uncharacteristic of me. Fortunately, none of them were about committing suicide but my parents were very concerned about me and were very direct in asking if I were thinking about such a selfish act. They assured me several times how much they loved me and were there for me...and how devastated they and my four younger sisters would be if ever I took my life. I did my best to assuage their fears and show them I was not on the verge of or considering suicide.

To be continued...

Reflections After A Life Is Taken

  It's been a longer than usual break from writing. I try to write at least twice a week, but sometimes daily life or swings in my mood prevent me from keeping that pace. This time, it was something shocking and completely unexpected and it's effect on me the past couple of weeks.

  Exactly 2 weeks ago I found out one of my private students, who was part of group of 4 colleagues learning English, had committed suicide the week before. He was only 38, married, and had a 2-year old son. It seemed his career was very good, he was well-liked and respected by his colleagues, and I had a good impression of him from our classes. Nothing I knew about him or saw indicated he was a troubled or potentially suicidal person.

  The news of his sudden death and that he had committed suicide weighed heavily on my mind all that day and for much of the entire week. Not just about his death, but I also did a lot of deeper reflection on my own life these past 3+ years. What I have been through emotionally and psychologically from the start of this unimaginable nightmare up to the present, and how I have managed to survive the trauma, stress, and even periodic depression that have impacted me. What could have been so difficult or stressful for my former student that would have caused him to end his life when it seemed he had everything else going for him?

To be continued...

How Long Will I Have to Wait?

  This morning I asked for an update from my lawyer on the meeting with the nursing university lawyer and the accuser. As I expected, he said so far the accuser is "unwilling to do anything about this case." He's still trying to arrange a meeting though. 

  Clearly I've been the only one making any effort to find a reasonable compromise to put the civil lawsuit to bed. The judge really sabotaged the chances of reaching an amicable settlement by announcing his intended decision against me before suggesting a compromise. Apparently, his intention was to force me into a corner where it would appear I had no chance to win, and I'd be willing to surrender my right to appeal and my chances of winning the administrative appeal in exchange for a "no decision." 

  In fact, I believe there's much more behind this scheme than meets the eye...and it is more to try and protect the nursing university and possibly the accuser from controversy and negative portrayal in the news media once the decision is official.

  Although I'm gradually turning down the intensity and magnitude of my efforts, I am well-prepared for appealing an unfavorable and unjustified decision by the judge. While waiting for further news about the letter from the accuser, I've also already filed a complaint with the appropriate authority in Taiwan against the court and the judge for violating my rights among other things.

October 28 Court Hearing: I Survive A Little Longer

   After an opening statement by my lawyer and some more whining, complaining and objections by the nursing college attorney to start the hearing, it looked like we were headed toward closing the case and a decision against me by the judge. From the little bit I could understand, my attorney explained no settlement had been reached and I still maintained my right to testify in court with my evidence before the judge makes any decision.

  One thing I haven't pointed out yet is that all these hearings of the past 2 years have been conducted in Chinese, so much of what goes on in court I don't understand. There was an interpreter again this time, but she does not do simultaneous translation. By the time there is a pause for her to translate for me after often several minutes of discussion, she is reduced to just giving me some of the main points, leaving out potentially a lot of pertinent information. Prior to June of this year, nearly all the previous hearings were without any interpreter and I was forced to rely on an occasional translation from my lawyer during the hearings and/or his synopsis of the proceedings after the hearings. To try and fill in missing information I've had to request the court transcripts and ask friends to translate them to me. 
   Back to last Thursday's hearing, after the opening arguments, I pulled out what may have been my final hand and suggested to the judge that we get the accuser herself involved and let her write a document saying there was a "cultural misunderstanding" and admitting that I did not sexually harass her. This would be much more meaningful to my administrative appeal and I would be more agreeable to this kind of settlement in exchange for dropping my lawsuit.
   The judge liked this idea, but of course the nursing college (recently changed to the "university of health and nursing careers") lawyer tried to argue against it. First he whined that he didn't see any proposal from me since the previous hearing (probably because my lawyer was too busy quibbling with me about the conditions I requested) and now it was too late. Second, he said that the accuser probably was not in any "mood" for agreeing to this because recently someone or some people had written on her blog (in Chinese) blaming her for falsely accusing me. According to the nursing university lawyer, this had upset and angered her so much that she wouldn't possibly agree to my proposal.

  After another 15 or so minutes of bickering with the judge and my lawyer by the nursing college attorney, it was finally agreed that both lawyers will try to set up a meeting with the accuser to talk to her about this new settlement proposal. Meanwhile, I have to write a "friendly" letter to her saying this was an unfortunate happening between us and we should try to settle this amicably.

Note: As of sometime this year, the school changed its name to the National Taiwan University of Nursing & Health Sciences (國立臺北護理健康大學).