Reflections After A Life Is Taken IV

  I could hardly have imagined that a place where I worked relatively trouble-free for 4 years - and I had only one more year to finish before going home - and devoted much extra time to, even worked some ridiculous overtime hours for, would turn turn out to have such two-faced, immoral and unscrupulous administrators who would stoop to the lowest to further their own agenda and ambitions with such a dastardly and outrageous fraud - collaborating with a mentally ill student to falsely accuse me of sexual harassment. It was literally the worst nightmare of my childhood rearing its ugly head again in adult life - the horrible bullies of my youth come to life again over 35 years later in mid-life.

  What began as an unsubstantiated, bogus allegation, by a lone, rogue student fairly quickly unveiled itself as a nefarious plot between the student and certain administrators to go way over the top to ensure my contract would not be renewed (as had had already been done) and that I would have extremely little to no chance of challenging the false accusation or the reversal of my contract renewal. Suddenly I went from the safety and certainty of another year's work at the nursing university to a panicked scramble to find a new job within one month (before my alien resident certificate and work permit expired) , and find out what to do to defend myself from the lies and potential damage to my livelihood, reputation and stable financial condition.

  With no family here for the kind of close support and help I needed, I had only some Taiwanese friends to turn to for assistance. My closest friends came through for me with much-needed moral support, encouragement, and some real help I needed in dealing with the many people and government agencies that became involved in this situation. These friends were the ones who did much to help me survive the first several months of this unreal ordeal - the most stressful, traumatic and turbulent times of this nightmare sham.

  Even a few so-called "friends" - colleagues and faculty at the nursing college that I had little professional or personal interaction with during my tenure there - suddenly emerged shortly after the accusation spread around the campus. They also contributed significantly to my early survival and provided some essential, sometimes confidential, information and evidence that buoyed my initial defense. In time, however, I was to see that some of those who came out of nowhere with their help had strong ulterior, self-serving motives that eventually resulted in them suddenly abandoning their assistance once they had achieved their objectives. My case was much more than just a "simple" case of a false accusation and effort to remove the last foreign English teacher at the nursing university by hook or crook. My position in the school was connected to the school's efforts to upgrade from a college to a university and the false allegation against me was coopted by a certain faction of faculty and staff at the school who were hellbent on preventing one of the candidates running for the next president of the school in 2008 from winning - a crony of the then current president and the one of the principal faculty members who illegally spread my name around the campus long before I was officially notified of the false allegation one of her nursing students made against me!

  In my efforts to survive those overwhelmingly negative and frustrating first months of this fight for the truth and and escape from this nightmare, there were two other significant things I did to keep myself from going off the deep end. 

  One was to escape Taiwan three times in the first eight months of this ordeal for short travel to cool down, to maintain some semblance of normalcy, and to refresh my mind and my spirit to continue the titanic struggle which was shaping up to be a protracted David vs Goliath battle.   

  The second came after 9 months of also battling to control the periodic bouts of depression, rage and uncharacteristic thoughts and urges to take matters into my own hands. I began counseling at the Tienmu Community Center - twice a month at first and later once a month - and continued for one year until I eventually took a long leave from Taiwan in early 2009 to work in Thailand.

Reflections After A Life Is Taken III

"Strange isn't it. Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?"

Clarence The Angel from the movie It's A Wonderful Life

  Christmas night I finally finished watching one of my all-time favorite and touching movies for the umpteenth time. As I watched and was moved by several of the most poignant lines of this holiday classic, I was reminded of one major reason why I have managed to survive the assassination attempt on my character and livelihood by the administration bullies at the nursing university. Even in the darkest and most stressful hours of this nightmare, I have never forgotten that it truly is a wonderful life and God has given me the greatest gift to live this life...to touch the lives of so many others and to be touched by many others as well.

  I also appreciate and treasure more than words can say that my wonderful, loving parents brought me into this world, they worked hard, sacrificed and poured all their love and care into raising me through childhood into an adult - they made it possible for me to become who I am.  As their flesh and blood, first child, and only son, I know how deeply it would hurt and impact them if I did such an irresponsible thing as take my own life for any reason, let alone over a few very poor excuses for human beings - low-life, no-class trash - who certainly would never be worth taking one's life over.  

  From some grieving parents I've heard sharing the pain of losing a child, I've heard them say "No parent should have to bury their child." I can't imagine putting my mother and father, who brought me into this world, or even my 4 younger sisters through such incomprehensible grief.

  When I first heard of the false sexual harassment accusation against me, from a colleague (in confidence) of all people, my whole world quickly disintegrated into confusion, disbelief, panic, anger, and frustration. Gradually I realized that a small clique of two-faced people in the nursing university's administration had suckered me into their scam by inviting me to join an off-campus activity with 3 students I did not know and one who had been my student just months earlier and was known by her classmates, faculty and staff to have some mental illness. 

  One day the administrators were pouring praises on me and seeking my advice on what to do for the activity, the next day they were ganging up on me (5 on 1) in a dastardly, premeditated attack on my person. One day I was waiting to complete the process to renew my work permit for the next year and planning a trip back home to New Jersey to visit my family, the next I was scrambling for answers to what was going on and how to keep myself in Taiwan at least long enough to get some answers and to decide what to do about the false accusation, my work and my future.

  I have felt the powerful dark forces that can break down an otherwise normal, healthy human being and weaken them to the point of doing things they would not normally do. The seemingly endless days, weeks and months of this nightmare drove me to depths of despair, inner rage and turmoil I had not experienced since the darkest days of my turbulent marriage and divorce almost 20 years earlier.

To be concluded... 

Reflections After A Life Is Taken II

  My student's death was a rude wake up call. For these years of the nursing university nightmare I've been periodically drifting in and out of the huge dark cloud that's hung over my life, battling mild bouts of depression and feeling some of the energy and vitality that used to fuel me just drained away...fighting to keep myself afloat mentally, emotionally and financially. With a suicide happening to someone I knew, my own situation and handling of it have been drawn more sharply into focus recently.

  The first days and weeks after I heard about the false accusation in June 2007 were full of highly charged feelings and wild swings of emotion...mostly negative. Suddenly the positive and stable world I had been living in was shattered and in chaos. My job was rudely and suddenly pulled out from under me at the time when I was supposed to be getting my contract renewal, renewing my work visa for another year, and going home to visit my parents, sisters and friends during the summer break. Instead, in the middle of all the confusion over the false accusation and trying to get answers and protect myself, I had to hurriedly find another job to remain in Taiwan at least long enough to fight through the school's bogus investigation and decision and to figure out what to do next - stay longer and seek justice or move on somewhere else with better preparation. The administrators behind this evil plot planned it well and timed it to give me the least amount of time possible to challenge and uncover their wrongdoing and find another job.   By the time I got official notice of the sexual harassment accusation and request to participate in the sham investigation, I only had 30 days left to the expiration of my contract and alien resident status. It was crystal clear the conspirators were not counting on me surviving in Taiwan past these 30 days.

  It was during this time and continuing the next several months that, in retrospect, I was the most vulnerable to the unstable emotions and mental state I had fallen into. I had plenty of thoughts of things I wanted to do that were very uncharacteristic of me. Fortunately, none of them were about committing suicide but my parents were very concerned about me and were very direct in asking if I were thinking about such a selfish act. They assured me several times how much they loved me and were there for me...and how devastated they and my four younger sisters would be if ever I took my life. I did my best to assuage their fears and show them I was not on the verge of or considering suicide.

To be continued...

Reflections After A Life Is Taken

  It's been a longer than usual break from writing. I try to write at least twice a week, but sometimes daily life or swings in my mood prevent me from keeping that pace. This time, it was something shocking and completely unexpected and it's effect on me the past couple of weeks.

  Exactly 2 weeks ago I found out one of my private students, who was part of group of 4 colleagues learning English, had committed suicide the week before. He was only 38, married, and had a 2-year old son. It seemed his career was very good, he was well-liked and respected by his colleagues, and I had a good impression of him from our classes. Nothing I knew about him or saw indicated he was a troubled or potentially suicidal person.

  The news of his sudden death and that he had committed suicide weighed heavily on my mind all that day and for much of the entire week. Not just about his death, but I also did a lot of deeper reflection on my own life these past 3+ years. What I have been through emotionally and psychologically from the start of this unimaginable nightmare up to the present, and how I have managed to survive the trauma, stress, and even periodic depression that have impacted me. What could have been so difficult or stressful for my former student that would have caused him to end his life when it seemed he had everything else going for him?

To be continued...